


Killua has a problem

by Anonymous



Category: Hunter X Hunter
Genre: I wrote this when I should be sleeping rip, M/M, chocorobo kun abuse, don't take this seriously, these kids have a nasty potty mouth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-13
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2019-01-17 00:25:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,914
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12353610
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: Gon also has a problem





	Killua has a problem

**Author's Note:**

> This is dedicated to that one smol cockroach like insect that scared me out of my room at 3AM when I was about to sleep and so I went to sleep on the couch in the living room but then I got inspired to write a fic about a talking illumi cockroach but then it devolved into this piece of shit, there's no talking illumi cockroach what a disappointment and it's now 630@m and I want to die

Gon was returning to his room at Heavens arena after a satisfying round of fighting. He looked forward to seeing his dear husband Killua again. Would Killua give him one of his special shoulder massages? Mmmmm, that sounded nice. Killua was very skilled with his hands after all, even though the training he had with them before were meant more for assassination rather than massaging. Or maybe they could watch a movie together. That'd be nice, it'd been a while since they did that.

All sweet thoughts of his husband melted away as soon as Gon entered the room.  
Boxes of chocorobo kuns stacked high throughout the room, some almost touching the ceiling, most crowding the space on the ground. Plastic candy wrappers littered the soft carpet. Sounds of crinkling plastic along with crunching sounds could be heard, somewhat muffled, behind a mountain of boxes.  
"SHIT KILLUA!" Gon yelled as he kicked one of the heavy boxes out of his way, making his way into the room. Then he saw. The damn boxes were blocking the enterance to the bathroom, AGAIN. He'd told Killua to keep the boxes to one corner of the room but of course he didn't listen. Killua was always too busy gorging himself on the chocolate treats, stuffing himself full with them.  
"KiLLUA!!! I need to take a bath!!" Gon kicked another box aside. "Stop eating the damn chocolate and move this crap away so I can go clean myself!!"

"Shit, Gon, stop kicking them! You'll ruin the chocorobo kuns inside!" Killua said, jumping in front of another box Gon was aiming his foot at. Killua caressed and then hugged the said box with love. "Shhh don't be scared, the nasty green boy won't hurt you now."

Gon felt a sharp needle-like pain at the side of his head starting to ache and had to hold himself back from the urge of kicking killua. HARD. "Stop talking to those useless non-sentinent boxes, Killua, and help me move them!"

Killua stood up and crossed his arms, frowning. "That's very rude, Gon!" He leaned towards the stinky boy and whispered in his ears, "You have to treat the chocorobo kuns with more care, that way, they'll taste better! It's like harvesting cow milk. The better you treat the cows and the happier the cows are, the better the milk tastes! I thought you grew up on an island. Aren't you supposed to know these kinds of stuff?"

Gon rolled his eyes. "Just because I grew up on an island doesn't mean I have cows. Anyway, that's stupid. The cows are alive," Gon declared, then pointed dramatically to the box killua was shielding with his body, "Those boxes and the chocolate snacks in them, on the other hand, are absolutely NOT."  
Seriously, though. Hadn't Killua been to Whale island multiple times by now? He should know by now that Mito never kept a COW FARM, and neither did he.

"It's the thought that counts!" Killua said, now very grumpy since Gon disagreed with him.

"Well, you know what, I don't care! Just move these boxes aside or I'll just smash my way through." Gon said.

Killua gasped, deeply offended. "You won't!"

Gon cocked an eyebrow at Killua, the decisiveness steely in his eyes.

Killua sighed, relented, and moved the boxes aside. Gon may never understand the importance of treating his food with care, and that was very foolish of him, in Killua's obviously superior opinion. But someone had to keep this relationship working, so Killua decided to be the bigger person this time.

"Finally." Gon huffed, then he entered the bathroom, slamming the door behind him.  
Killua returned to his post, where more chocolate wrappers lined the floor. He grabbed another chocolate robo kun from the nearby box and cracked it open, shoving the delicious creamy contents into his waiting, salivating mouth. How did it become like this? When had their relationship turned so sour?  
Killua could still remember last Saturday, when they exchanged their marriage vows. Gon had looked very dashing in his green suit and black tie, and he couldn't stop smiling and talking about how excited this was finally happening, how excited he was to share this with Killua, until Killua decided to shush him with his lips.  
It was a good time.

Listening to the faint sound of water splashing in the bathroom, Killua laid on his back, his sticky fingers stroking the smooth surface of the box distractedly.  
Gon...It's not like they never fought before, but...Gon had never kicked his precious boxes chocorobo kuns before. Never.  
Deep in thought, Killua mechanically unwrapped another pack of chocorobo kun and stuffed it in his mouth, even though he wasn't really hungry anymore.  
He fell asleep laying upon his bed of chocorobo kun wrappers, snoring softly.

Gon felt refreshed after the shower he took. He stepped back into the main room, the excess moisture of his feet soaking in the carpet. Sighing, he once more surveyed the mess of chocorobo boxes piled haphazardly throughout the room. In one shove of his mighty palms he pushed them all towards the seemingly unoccupied part of the room.  
There, now they were organized.

"Fuck! Shit!" Gon heard the familiar sound of his husband cursing. Boxes tumbled down from the pile and an angry Killua emerged. "I know you're mad or whatever, but did you have to bury me in the boxes while I'm ASLEEP? Really, Gon?"

"I didn't know you were sleeping amongst those boxes!" Gon protested, "Besides, if you organized them properly like I told you to many times before, this wouldn't have happened!"

"Like hell you didn't know! You always complain about me snoring too loud when I sleep but now you didn't hear me snoring at all?" Killua crossed his arms. It was a sight Gon was getting used to.

"Well maybe you weren't snoring this time! Anyways I just finished showering so I have some water in my ears too!" Gon retorted. "Anyway, clean your shit up, Killua! I'm tired of having to navigate my way through these fucking boxes of your beloved chocolate EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. DAY! I swear, you're becoming more like your brother ---"

"DONT COMPARE ME TO MY BROTHERS YOU DIPSHIT!!" Killua was furious, Gon knew how much he hated to be compared to his brothers.

"---Miluki, eating that fucking chocolate snack every single day! Do you even eat normal food? Are you even getting enough PROPER VITAMINS AND NUTRIENTS? I'm fucking worried about you, Killua! All you eat all day is that fucking JUNK food and nothing else! You're too obsessed with it!" Gon took a deep breath when he was done ranting.

"...You're worried about me?" Killua said.

"Yeah, duh! I just said that, didn't I?" Gon stepped towards Killua and shook him by the shoulders, "You're too obsessed with these damn chocolate treats, Killua! You eat them and leave the damned wrappers everywhere! It's unhygienic AND unhealthy!"

Killua felt himself tear up. "You...You..."

"There's going to be RATS, Killua! RATS and COCKROACHES roaming the grounds of our bedroom! Do you want to them to scamper over our faces while we sleep?" Gon continued passionately. "It's GROSS, Killua! I don't want that and I'm pretty sure you don't too!"

"You don't understand, STUPID!" Killua cried, slapping Gon's hands away.  
All Gon did was criticize his eating habits. Unhygienic. Unhealthy. Gon didn't know. Gon doesn't know how it's like to grow up in a family where they fed you POISONED food whenever they wanted, so you could never really relax and trust and enjoy a good meal, and the only solace you had were the vacuum-sealed chocolate treats you sneaked out of home to buy and consume. The sweetness of chocorobo kuns. The pureness. And Gon was insulting his precious chocorobo kuns now, tainting their name, calling them rude words like UNHEALTHY and JUNK. And that wasn't even true. He'd looked at the nutrition information menu printed on the side of chocorobo kuns. It was made of nutritious stuff like CARBOHYDRATES and FATS and PROTEIN and SALT. Gon didn't know shit. Chocorobo kuns were healthy and delicious, NOT junk food.  
What's more, Gon even dared to insinuate that he was becoming like Miluki! How dare he. Milluki was a nasty manipulative fucker who sat on his ass all day surfing the net and eating trash. Killua was not nasty, and he did not eat trash.

"WHAT? WHAT DO I NOT UNDERSTAND?" Gon was yelling.

"You don't understand...Chocorobo kun is not trash..." Killua said, eyes misting over. "And I missed you, you idiot! You're always fighting now, we never spend any time together anymore, and the TV and game station's broken. What else am I supposed to do other than enjoy chocorobo kuns while I wait for you to come back??"

"..." Gon stared at Killua for a full minute. He didn't know the TV had broke. "Uhhh, I don't know, go out? Don't stay in this room all day?"

"But if I go out, who will protect my precious chocorobo kuns?" Killua cried, waving his arms around very emotionally. "Someone might sneak in and EAT them! Someone might TRAMPLE on them!"

"..." Gon paused for the second time of the day. "If you're really that concerned about the safety of your snacks, we can buy a huge safe to store them all in. Then you can go out and do whatever you want and not be stuck here all day with nothing to do other than eat chocolate."

"But...I don't have any money..." Killua said, a little shamefully. Now that he had ran away from home to marry his love and spent ALL of his cash on buying chocorobo kuns he was broke. He had planned to fight at the Heaven's arena with Gon to earn some cash...and you see how that turned out. He couldn't leave the room because he had to protect his precious.  
He was so close, yet so far.

"Now who's the one being stupid?" Gon knocked Killua on the head. "I can always lend you some of mine, I've been earning lots of jennies from the arena lately! Hmmm, actually, since we're married now my money is yours too, so it's technically not lending...?"

"Oh..."

"You have to promise to eat food other than chocorobo kun, though. And throw your trash into the bins! Don't leave the boxes and wrappers scattered around." Gon said very seriously.

"...Okay." Killua said, then he became very serious too. "You have to apologize for defaming and kicking my chocorobo kuns, too."

Gon sighed. This again? "Okay, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have kicked your chocorobo kuns." They ARE unhealthy, though, he thought.  
But Gon didn't voice that out because he didn't want to argue with Killua about that now.

And so they bought a safe for Killua to put all his precious chocolate snacks in. As Killua loaded the last of his snacks into the safe, he turned to Gon who was beside him, eyes shining.

"I love you, Gon." Killua murmured.  
"I love you too"  
And then they made out but not for very long because ALL of killuas teeth fell out because he never brushed his teeth after eating copious amounts of chocorobo kuns and now they've all gone rotten and decayed, that disgusting foul mouth boy, it grossed Gon out deeply, it grossed out gon so much that Gon stopped kissing him and divorced killuas dentures-needing ass.

THE END

**Author's Note:**

> im still very upset with myself for the lack of talking illumi cockroaches but I gotta sleep mannn


End file.
